What a woman wants

I have many fantasies, sometimes that's all you have to keep you looking forward to what may come. Some can be read on the Disney Channel as a fairytale and others, well....you could find them in a Playboy magazine, but who really reads the articles anyways? I am asked a lot what my fantasy is and I usually avoid the question because there are too many to name one, and so many categories they fall into. I've realized just at this moment that there is one single fantasy that could bring all of the others together. It's not even a story fantasy just something simple that I've always wanted but always seemed out of my reach for what ever reason.
I want to find a movie man. What is a movie man you ask? A movie man is a man in real life that does all the things you love to see a man do in the movies. When you watch a love story or even a romantic comedy, which are one of my favorites. Men do some of the silliest, cutest most amazing things for the woman they want to be with. They leave funny little notes on their car or a flower just to let the woman know they were thinking of them. They seem to have no extent on what they would do to impress this woman, no matter how corny and no matter what their friends would say. They defy what normal guys would do for a woman in real life. It almost seems as if there is a stigma against giving women flowers just because it's Thursday or to remember and openly tell the woman what it is about them that you love or like, especially in public. I have always been the one who doesn't give a shit what other people think of me. I know I do not act inappropriate in public but there are still little things a man can do to make it interesting without drawing a lot of attention that still makes a woman melt quietly within herself. Men always ask what women really want, they always say they will never figure a woman out. Let me let you in on a little secret...we really aren't that hard to please, most of us anyways. There are some gold diggers that want it all and then some but I can't speak on their behalf because I can not relate to them. All most of us really want is a thought...yes, just a simple thought. A text that says "HI, was thinking of you and wanted to let you know", flowers sent just because, with a simple note. In today's time the ultimate "I'm really into you" is on the internet. Myspace, Louisvillemojo, Facebook is a hot spot for millions and when a guy is willing to say something he's not likely to say to "just anyone" as a comment or a voucher where the whole entire web can see. A woman eats that up cause she knows that he doesn't care who knows how he feels about you or what they have to say about it cause he is into you and only you.
I was raised in a very low income household and I am glad I was because it taught me the value of what you have or what is appreciated. I take nothing for granted and speak from my heart always. No, I was not raised to have these values, I have taught them to myself and learned them from what I have been given and I am one of the lucky ones who could make good out of bad and have appreciation for even the smallest things. I would rather have a small picnic at Iroquois Park eating McDonald's with someone who wants to get to know me and be with me than be at J. Alexanders with an asshole who is trying to buy my love and just wants to get laid afterward. It's the "thought" of what you do that makes it significant. Remember that guys "The thought of what you do is the significance of what is done".

2008

I honestly doubt anyone actually even reads my blog and sometimes I wounder why I even write anything at all, but then I realized that it is a form of therapy for me and much cheaper than traditional therapy sessions...lol. The likelihood of many people reading this everyday is slim to none yet, knowing it is still here and open to be read is strangely comforting knowing it is, however, out in the open and off my chest.
I was reading through what I have written over the past and am amazed at myself at the things I had written. Not anything specific just in general. It seemed like I was an angry person and always bitchin about something. Maybe I should change the title to "My Bitch Log". I always said women and I mean 95% of us should be required by law to take anti-depressants. We are all bitchy, have mood swings and can just be mean at times and I am no exception. I do take medication and have for years because I don't want to end up in the category of most women. I like being loving, affectionate and understanding ALL THE TIME.
So my goal this year, the year of 2009, is just to continue bettering myself. 2008 brought me no luck in my love life and neither have the many years before that as a matter of fact. Strangely, I still believe the one man for me is still out there. That or he was hit by a bus and died before I had a chance to meet him. It would be nice to have someone I can rely on other than myself, for a change. Not just so my kids can have a male in there lives but so I can have a companion in mine. As happy as I am with myself and my kids, it's still gets lonely, especially when the kids are asleep or not here. It would be nice to have someone to cuddle up with on the couch and just enjoy laying and feeling each other side by side. Someone I can share things with, that I can't share with just anyone. Sure you can have sex with whoever, I still have yet to feel what it is like to true be made love to. That is the one thing in my life I have yet to experience and even though it has never happened, I feel like I miss it. Maybe it is because I see it on TV or hear about it from friends and I want it so bad sometimes my fantasies seem realistic, but then I am sitting on the couch again, alone. I don't get my hopes up if I meet someone, because in my head I am waiting for them to tell me that the spark just isn't there or they have found someone else that they feel is better for them. I guess with this frame of mind it is far less likely for me to be let down or disappointed. God has a plan for me, I'm not sure what it is yet, but maybe when I am 90 y/o and senial I will see it.